that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize