So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
