Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
