Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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