I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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