Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
wrigley field is MILF paradise
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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