He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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