Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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