If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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