I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize