Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
