I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
