Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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