Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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