I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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