he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wear drunk well.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
