when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
