so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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