I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
