I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
