fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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