3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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