i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
