I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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