Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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