He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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