in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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