Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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