Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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