I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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