worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
