Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
