help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
