It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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