My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
