My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
