Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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