When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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