He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
