and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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