Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
