maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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