Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
