i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
