We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
