If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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