You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
