In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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