I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
