need another drink. this is the easiest way
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
