fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
