Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
