dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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