When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
