the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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