on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My vagina is very pro this idea
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