Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
