can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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