can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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