he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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