his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize