I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
