Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
