If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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