She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
