I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize