I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
