Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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