Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Less talking, more tequila
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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