i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
