Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
