Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I currently don't understand fingers.
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