When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
