I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
