Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
