So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
my liver is dry heaving
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
