If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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