So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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